tingling toes and talking teachers.

that is what i believe sums up the whole first day of school.

tingling toes and talking teachers

your feet fall asleep and your teachers talk on and on

seemingly trying to scare everyone out of taking their class so they can just go home too

i always go on the first day with optimism and then get hit with the realization of how stupid that idea was

people crowd the hallways and girls giggle at annoyingly high decibels

football players talk about the game last friday and kids give you weird looks

now don't get me wrong i am so thankful for school

and even more so the school i belong to

but it always reminds me of how i am not where i want to be

i feel held back and tied down

i feel unused.

like i could do much greater things

heck i know i could

but i believe everything needs growing time

so here i sit

trying to be content 

praying that i will have an open mind

finding joy and thankfulness in the small parts of life.

i know that the Lord is faithful

though its hard

my brain wanders and the little chocolate faces appear in my head

i feel a breeze on my face and sand in my toes

i want to stand up and scream, do you all even know what's out there...

but i sit

and my toes tingle

and the teacher talks.

hope and good.

some may know i had an opportunity to spend another week at Lake Geneva Christian Center

in the overwhelming presence of the Lord.

it was amazing. as always.

but tuesday night changed me a lot

it was tuesday night that as i walked into chapel my heart rested heavy on my ribs.

i felt like gasping for air.

that night the preacher spoke about things that labeled your life

there is a sermon like this every year

about those big labels

like

rape.

cutting.

addiction.

anorexia.

self hatred.

i very fortunately have none of those

but i do have a label

a small one on the tip of my heart.

where things in my life lay

broken.

confused.

mangled.

as i wept at the alter that night with fellow peers on their knees all around me

a lady asked to pray with me

and i explained why i stood there crying

and she prayed over me a wonderful prayer

and as she walked away my heart cried,

"she just doesn't get it, she doesn't know the man he was, she doesn't know how he blessed my life, she has never seen him,"

i was frustrated and angry with God.

and i prayed still that the one person who really knew this man would find me.

and as i worshiped

singing, 

your love never fails

it never gives up

it never runs out on me.

she came and wrapped me up in her arms

she said,

 "i knew i would find you here and i knew i had too, the Lord told me to find you here Maria."

and as she hugged me i looked up and said,

"i miss your dad"

and there we cried together

minute after minute

she knew the great man of God he was.

she knew his joy and the peace he brought to ones around him

she knew his jokes and his big bushy eyebrows.

and she said, 

"he would have wanted us to have hope and to make good where there is none to be found"

and i knew then that God heard me

like he always does

and i was at peace 

because someone special took the time to show me that they understood

and that they cared.

Pastor Rod I miss you everyday. Thank you for how you blessed my life.

fajitas and a pool party

marinade.

veggies. yum.

preparation.

meal. delicious!

now since i made you look at those mouth watering pictures here is the recipe.

grilled chicken fajitas

*marinade

~ one third cup lime juice (i used freshly squeezed)

~ 4 tbsp olive/vegetable oil

~ 3 tbsp chopped garlic

~ 1 tbsp worcestershire sauce

~ 3 tsp brown sugar

~ 1 tsp ground cumin

~ 1 jalapeno diced

~ salt and pepper 

- place stripped chicken breasts in marinade for an hour or more (the longer the better)

*veggies

~ half of a orange, red, yellow pepper sliced

~ half of and onion sliced

(really use whatever veggies you want i don't care)

-place veggies in buttered tin foil (make sure to use enough foil you can wrap it to make the veggies a nice little steam pocket)

- when ready to grill chicken place both on the grill and cook until you think its looks done (duh!)

-warm tortillas on grill as well when everything is finishing cooking (optional)

-crumble tortilla and mix (as shown in last pic)

*serve with sour cream, and taco sauce

*enjoy

and of course to finish her off right... a pool party with the rents!

pool party

*fun

~ parents

~ water

~ whirl pools

~ laughter

*enjoy

a bit about... me.

so i figured on this horribly hot hot hot day i would enlighten you with just a bit more about well... me. 

• i dislike hot hot hot weather. i'm a fall and spring girl. i love football and baseball. is this all making sense.
• um i ask for a puppy every other day. oh yeah by the way we just got a puppy in february.
• i go through phases with music where i listen to the same song over and over. my sisters can testify to this one.
• i really like living with just my parents. i think i might just stay here... forever
• i am not afraid to talk to strangers, today i said to a random lady i feel like my butt is visually wet from sweat. yep. that's me.
• i want a tattoo really bad.
• guys gravitate to me. i'm flattering myself a little with the wording but i do have more man friends
• i scream at people when i am driving. if you stop first then.... GO!
• i have a bucket list. you will have to wait to see that.
• i don't know if i want to get married. really.
• i want to be a sports agent. really.
• i can knit. thank you grandma rita.
• i tend to drop cell phones in water. saved my last one. victory!
• i have to have a teddy bear on my window sill to hold my shade close so people cant look through the little crack at me while i sleep.
• i love to swim and sail.

sailing

my so called puppy (on the right)
see its time for another.

i will leave you with those 15 for now. happy monday!

adventure.

ever wonder if you are where you're supposed to be.

i have been blessed with a nearly perfect life.

i have weaknesses and hard days but i am generally happy.

but most days i catch myself wondering is this really all there is.

i mean honestly i have seen, i know that there is just so much more.

so what keeps my feet planted, where is my side of adventure.

i have been in five states and three different countries in the past 6 months.

(that's counting lay overs, I'm not that crazy!)

and i miss it already because those places have taught me that there is beauty everywhere

and why should i keep my eyes from seeing it, all of it.

why should i stay planted and not see the gifts this world holds

the gifts that were crafted so perfectly by such and amazing God.

i surfed in California and i thought why should i keep my mind from learning these many new adventures

i sailed for one of the first times this weekend and i loved it.

so i really thought what keeps me planted what holds me back.

fear. 

money.

school.

time.

people.

yep and for lack of a better word those things are lame.

nothing should keep me from living  my life to the fullest.

from just letting the wind carry me and seeing where i end up.

i know that there is so much to be discovered.

and here i am in Pine City, MN, granted i do love it here.

but the voice in my head echoes constantly

there is so much more.

and i think its time to let myself believe it.

there is so much more and my days are dwindling 

(all of our days are really)

i have a bucket list...

and i think its time to get up and get going.

my cousin said to me this past weekend

all you should be doing right now is just having fun.

and i choose to believe it.

adventure is out there...

around every corner

with every breeze that blows

I'm out to find it.

minnesota. 

Cali

big sur

africa.

tears on my feet.

as i followed a nanny from room to room,

waiting for instructions, she mumbled language to the children telling them to go on.

one little tike was left behind wailing on the floor

sweeping him up i turned the corner...

seeing i must care little black hands and feet started to move, 

they swarmed my winter white legs and tears filled their eyes.

their hands shot up and they looked deep within me as they spoke and cried,

"up, up, uppie, up!"

i spoke and tapped each one on the head overwhelmed, not knowing what to do as they screamed for love

a fed up nanny grumbled, "outside, outside now!"

as my white legs moved so did the ocean of black bodies, none would let go.

they continued to plea.

i climbed the hut steps and the children wailed and grabbed at my shorts.

and that's when i noticed it

i looked down as tears fell onto my dirty feet

they covered my toes

not rain drops

but tears.

those friends. :)

i love my best friends

the ones who act stupid.

and sing annoyingly.

and play with beach balls in walmart.

and honk your boobs.

and pee in the weeds.

and laugh.

and snort.

and sort out the pros and cons of marriage and kids.

and like the windows rolled down.

and don't care.

and have fun.

you know those friends 

the ones who are simply just themselves.

and all together we become

just beautifully us. 

i love you Regan and Michela

thank you for just being you

so we can just be us :)