hope and good.

some may know i had an opportunity to spend another week at Lake Geneva Christian Center

in the overwhelming presence of the Lord.

it was amazing. as always.

but tuesday night changed me a lot

it was tuesday night that as i walked into chapel my heart rested heavy on my ribs.

i felt like gasping for air.

that night the preacher spoke about things that labeled your life

there is a sermon like this every year

about those big labels

like

rape.

cutting.

addiction.

anorexia.

self hatred.

i very fortunately have none of those

but i do have a label

a small one on the tip of my heart.

where things in my life lay

broken.

confused.

mangled.

as i wept at the alter that night with fellow peers on their knees all around me

a lady asked to pray with me

and i explained why i stood there crying

and she prayed over me a wonderful prayer

and as she walked away my heart cried,

"she just doesn't get it, she doesn't know the man he was, she doesn't know how he blessed my life, she has never seen him,"

i was frustrated and angry with God.

and i prayed still that the one person who really knew this man would find me.

and as i worshiped

singing, 

your love never fails

it never gives up

it never runs out on me.

she came and wrapped me up in her arms

she said,

 "i knew i would find you here and i knew i had too, the Lord told me to find you here Maria."

and as she hugged me i looked up and said,

"i miss your dad"

and there we cried together

minute after minute

she knew the great man of God he was.

she knew his joy and the peace he brought to ones around him

she knew his jokes and his big bushy eyebrows.

and she said, 

"he would have wanted us to have hope and to make good where there is none to be found"

and i knew then that God heard me

like he always does

and i was at peace 

because someone special took the time to show me that they understood

and that they cared.

Pastor Rod I miss you everyday. Thank you for how you blessed my life.